Foods you should try once but never eat again

[bigsharn]

Well I’ve trawled the web once again, along with every fast food shop and greasy cafe in a 5-mile radius to bring you my guide to food you should try at least once… but should never eat again. Firstly the commercial foods…

KFC Double Down
There’s the obvious KFC Double Down, which is basically a bacon sandwich, but instead of butter you use cheese… and instead of bread buns you have KFC chicken fillets. Yep, it tastes like something only the gods could have come up with, but a toilet bowl the morning after isn’t a good sight…

MacDonalds McGangbang
The Macdonalds McGangbang, which is when you order a Double Quarter Pounder, and have a McChicken sandwich in there too. There’s also the McSpitroast, which is the same but using just a Mayo Chicken and a Double Cheeseburger. It doesn’t taste particularly nice, but at 4am after a heavy drinking session it’s a lot cheaper than the traditional Doner kebab and it actually fills you up. There’s no real unpleasant end result… until you get the slightly dodgy aftertaste which (if you haven’t already that night) will make sure it finds a place on the pavement in front of you. I’m sure it’s fine if you get something to wash it down with but I’m not willing to give it another go.

Pizza WHUT?
Pizza Hut doesn’t have their own specially named “FYSTOBNEA”, so I made one up… Now bear in mind these are usually NOT for sharing, but if you feel the need to exert the pain on someone else be my guest :p. ok, get a Margherita pizza, stuffed crust deep pan and add the following:
Double salami, pepperoni, spicy pork and spicy beef and single ham slices, and chicken breast, extra Mozzarella and Cheddar
The entire thing should come to just short of £18. Add your own veggie options (I choose mushrooms, green chillies and jalapenos), which brings mine to £20.99 for a medium or £25.74 for a large. (you see why I share mine?). The whole thing tastes like heaven, hell, and purgatory in one package, and needless to say it does unspeakable things to your insides, so I’ll leave the morning after to your imagination. Add to this concoction Garlic Bread as a starter and unlimited trips to the ice cream station (or a mini cheesecake each for dessert if you won’t eat in public, like me). I think Dominos pizza does a similar thing if you like their pizzas better, and most local pizza places will do the same as well

Now, for the things that you can probably find more locally:

The Kebaaaaaaaaarghb
This couldn’t really NOT feature in this list, a kebab features in the diet of most men over the age of 18 that go out drinking. At my local they do a brilliant kebab… Go into your shop and ask for the following:
Chicken, lamb shish and Doner kebab, with chilli and garlic sauce, chips and onion rings. It tastes alright at most places (but Pizza Time in York is excellent for it), though it’s the texture more than the actual taste that makes me love it. Yes, I just admitted to having it multiple times, each time I’ve had to buy a new toilet from the resulting explosion the next morning but it’s been worth it

The Breakunchinner sandwich
I’m pretty sure everyone here has woken up and craved something greasy and evil. Maybe a bacon sandwich, or a sausage sandwich… or both? Well THE breakfast sandwich covers all of the bases. The execution is extremely simple, in that you go to your local supermarket and get a stottie cake (the only good thing to come out of Newcastle… it’s a huge bread bun). And on the way back home stop off at your local greasy spoon and ask for a full English breakfast… proceed to cover the plate with the top of your bun, tip the plate upside down and lift it off, replacing it with the bottom of your bun, and walk out, making sure you thank the staff. You would only do this once because:
1. You’d never be welcome again
2. If you eat another thing that same day, you’ll probably explode and be dead. Unless you become a zombie with a craving for fried eggs… or you’d just say hello to it again later in the day

The Epic burger
Back onto the night out, you’ve had nothing to eat all day (eating’s cheating) and you’re starving. What do you get on the way home? EPIC BURGER
Walk into your local takeaway and order the biggest burger they do (usually a half pound special burger), twice. Then ask for a piece of chicken and chips (Or chicken nuggets if you can’t be bothered de-bone-ing the chicken(THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!!!)) and if you’re feeling REALLY hungry, add in some onion rings and barbeque sauce. It tastes excellent if that’s what you’re into, which I am.
I’ve had this once and unfortunately it was too much for me to handle, so I recommend actually sharing this one

Bigsharn’s feast
Now, do NOT eat this on your own. Ever. Under ANY circumstances. This almost killed me last time I had it, so here we go… (Oh, I should add, some places do doner meat or burgers better than pizzas here, hence I've named the extra places)

2x garlic breads with cheese (and extra garlic) from the best local pizza shop
Deluxe boneless box from KFC (You’ll have to pick this up)
A tray of doner meat (or two) from your favourite local
Then… make a sandwich with it

It tastes like sex, all in one, the texture is like nothing you've ever had before and the aftermath... I believe "apocalyptic" applies here

The Scooby Dooby "DON'T! YOU'VE GOT SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR!"
I just tested this one out today (07/06/2010) and I guarantee it tastes BEAUTIFUL. This is named in the honour of Scooby Dooby Doo and his epic sandwiches. Get yourself a small loaf of sliced bread (I like Hovis Farmhouse loaf the best, and it looks the most realistic) and get a different meat or cheese for every slice of bread*, and enough of each to cover an entire piece of bread. Then go home and butter every slice of bread (hence a small loaf) and carefully arrange the meat/cheese/whatever so that it covers the entire slice (with some hanging out if possible).
*If you like, add in a few layers of veg or cheat and have more than 2 slices of the same meat
(Add in seasoning like salt, pepper, herbs, spices etc here)
Afterwards, put a skewer through the manwich and put it on a baking tray in the oven, have it on gas mark 4 (180 Celsius or 350 Farenheit) for roughly five minutes. Add in any veg or fruit (or sauces/mayo) at this point, and bask in the glory...
As of yet I've had no adverse effects, but then I did this with a packet of Asda value ham, turkey, Emmental and Cheddar so I'm expecting my bowels to explode in roughly 10, 9, 8...

If you have any more ideas, give us a shout and I'll update it here, but I don't think ANYONE will top my feast I found the Scooby Dooby Sandwich